'Tis the season to watch the best Christmas film ever made: Nancy Meyers' The Holiday (2006). It's an annual tradition for me to watch it in December and every year I fall more in love with Iris's (Kate Winslet's) story line. She is one of the two main characters, the other being Amanda (Cameron Diaz). Both women have been beaten down romantically when we meet them and are looking to change up their lives, even if just momentarily. They connect on a home exchange website and impulsively decide to fly halfway across the world to live the other woman's life for two weeks. Amanda heads to a tiny cottage in a tiny town near London, and Iris to an immense villa in Los Angeles. Each starts healing past wounds and finding joy again, Iris most notably. This'll be a short and sweet exploration of her character arc.
The situationship
Iris is in a bit of a pickle, to put it mildly. For the past three years, she has been in what we would now call a situationship with her boss, Jasper (Rufus Sewell). She's in love with him. Those feelings are not reciprocated, but he breadcrumbs her just enough to keep her around. At their office Christmas party, he publicly announces that he is engaged to another woman. Iris is completely blindsided and rushes home, gutted. This is when she receives a message from Amanda. It must be fate, so she books a flight to sunny California for the next day, to get away from her life, and more importantly, from Jasper.
Throughout her trip, Jasper keeps contacting her. Just before she takes off, he asks her how to reach her while she is away. Then he calls her to ask if he can send her a chapter of the book he is writing, so she can give him some notes. She says yes, reluctantly, the always reliable Iris. She knows it's not good for her, but the fantasy of him is strong enough to keep her right where he wants her.
Iris gets acquainted with some of Amanda's friends and neighbors, amongst whom: Miles (Jack Black). He is in his own version of a toxic relationship, with an actress who he later finds out is unfaithful to him. On Christmas Eve, he finds himself on Iris's couch, wallowing after the break-up. He asks her: "Why am I attracted to a person I know isn't good?" Iris responds:
I happen to know the answer to this. Because you're hoping you're wrong, and every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it, and every time she comes through and surprises you, she wins you over and you lose that argument with yourself that she's not for you.
Well, if that doesn't sum it up, I don't know what would. This moment comes at a time when Iris is learning to be the leading lady in her own life. At least, that's what her elderly neighbor Arthur (Eli Wallach) is trying to teach her to be. He has worked in Hollywood his whole life and has given her a list of old movies to watch in which women are the active lead. It's getting through to her. And soon, her renewed confidence will be put to the test.
The speech
Because as an unpleasant surprise, Jasper shows up at her door with a Christmas present. This must mean he has come to his senses and that he has chosen her, Iris thinks. But then he lets it slip that he is still engaged and intends on marrying his fiancé. He doesn't want to lose Iris though, whatever that means. Something snaps inside of her. She comes to embody, as Arthur puts it, gumption. You could also call it anger. Iris jumps up from the couch and delivers this iconic speech before showing Jasper the door:
I'm about three years late in telling you this, but nevertheless, I need to say it. Jasper, you have never treated me right. Ever. You broke my heart, and you acted like somehow it was my fault, my misunderstanding. And I was too in love with you to ever be mad at you, so I just punished myself... for years! But you waltzing in here on my lovely Christmas holiday and telling me that you don't want to lose me whilst you're about to get married somehow newly entitles me to say: it's over. This... this twisted, toxic thing between us is finally finished! I'm miraculously done being in love with you. I've got a life to start living, and you're not going to be in it!
I love this monologue. It's extremely cathartic. Three years of hurt is being released here and Iris snaps out of her blindness for this man who is obviously never going to commit to her fully. She is making a choice purely catering to her own good, and it pays off. You can immediately see the weight that is lifted off of her shoulders and the clarity of mind that comes as a result. Her life starts making sense again.
It reminded me of a Toni Morrison quote I heard recently:
Bitterness is like cancer; it eats upon the host. Anger is healthy, I think. I think anger is like fire; it burns out all the dross and all the stuff, and I think it's wise to show it. To be opposed to injustice at all times, for anybody. I think that's wise.
And also of a sentiment Olga Tokarczuk describes in her book Drive Your Plows over the Bones of the Dead (2019), that anger "restores the gift of Clarity of Vision". How it makes things seem simple and obvious, how it "puts things in order and shows you the world in a nutshell". Anger shows you where your boundaries lie, I've been told, even if you may not yet be able to verbalize them. And while it comes late for Iris, snapping into anger cleared her of delusions and made her see Jasper for who he truly is: an unfaithful bastard who wants the benefits of Iris's romantic and sexual connection, but not the labor or the burdens. All the fluff and rose-colored imaginings of who he could be, have burned out, and she breaks free from the power he once had over her.
Final thoughts
Even though this film by no means centers around female rage, having viewed it again this year has made me see it in a different light. There are small moments such as these that show how positive these emotions are, and how they never appear in isolation. Anger is paired with sadness, disappointment, disbelief, grief, desperation. Its source in this case is uncertainty, or perhaps powerlessness; the inability to change a situation to fit your wants and needs. This scene shows the relief that comes from expressing your dissatisfaction, as well as the clean slate and open doors that are presented in the aftermath. The Holiday is a romcom and must therefor have a happy ending, so you won't be surprised to read that Iris ends up with Miles, a man who truly appreciates her for who she is and is completely devoted to her. Only with her new Clarity of Vision was she able to head down this path.
So I guess the moral of the story is: be angry this holiday season. No, I'm only joking. Enjoy some good food, enjoy some nice company, and watch The Holiday for your fix of cathartic passionate speeches and romance.
Happy holidays 🎄
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